How you know you're being gaslighted: When you repeat something some one said and they say they never said it, but you see the direct result of their words, as in..."Did you eat the rest of my soup?" "No." "The soup is gone from the refrigerator. It was in here last night and now it's gone." "Well, I did eat what was left in that container, then I threw the container away." "So, you DID eat the rest of the soup, you just didn't want to admit it." Silence. Isolated instance? No big deal. Constant occurrence? That's being "gaslighted". If I had not pressed the question they would have have had me believe that I ate it myself, thus causing me to question my own memory. That's gaslighting. Meanwhile, that person doesn't even know what gaslighting means; any kind of real confrontation regarding the subject is pointless.
That person would rather lie and have you believe something untrue than admit to their own misdeeds.
Let that sink in for second: rather than admit to their own misdeeds that person would lie and have you believe something untrue. Isolated instance? No big deal. Constant occurrence? That's being "gaslighted".
Do you know someone who you've lied to repeatedly about something just because you're afraid of how they will feel about you? Be sure the other person knows they're being lied to, but they're not sure why and to what degree. The level of trust has completely corroded. You're being gaslighted, for sure, but by a complete novice, who may not even be aware it's being done.
Complaining about missing soup once? No big deal. Missing soup, missing money, verbal intentions (saying they're going to one thing, doing something completely different, and then saying they never were going to do the first thing no one else around to corroborate your story, you start to seriously question your own motives. Benign? Harmless?
That's just it. We all tell these little white lies. We think we're not hurting anyone. But we never really know, do we? We're only thinking about ourselves when we do it. We assume that the effect on the other person is minimal to negligible. "What does it matter if I ate the soup or not? How will admitting it change the fact that the soup is still gone and cannot be eaten again?" This is putting the response and the feelings of the person (or persons) receiving the lie completely out of the picture. It doesn't matter what I think. It doesn't matter how many times it's happened in the past. Keep telling the lie until you get an argument, then switch to a different lie.
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